Every fucking time I buy a frozen pizza, I put that sassy bitch in right when I start the oven. Why? Because I’ve figured it out. That’s right Uncle Sam, I’m onto you.

The directions for my favorite pizza is to heat the oven to 425F and cook for 15 minutes. My oven takes 14 minutes to preheat. So, this whole cooking process takes about 30 minutes? No way. Not chance in hell, buckaroo. When I shove my pizza in that oven prematurely, I add 3-4 minutes to compensate. This means I wait a total of 18-19 minutes vs 30. And guess what? It tastes fucking delicious. Ask any of my friends. I cook them frozen pizzas all the time, and they can’t get enough, thanks to my unequivocal superior intelligence. The pizza turns out just fine, and it poses no health threat. Source: I’ve been doing this for 12 years.