“Bro, I can’t believe we’re married,” Romeo lamented as they walked home.  “What will Rosaline think?”
“Dude, stop,” said Mercutio. “Rosaline is not your gf, bro. That was never going to happen.”
“Well, now it’s never going to happen.”
They walked in silence until they reached the Montague manor.
“Of course,” Mercutio said thoughtfully, gazing up at the house, “We have to live together now or people will talk.”
“Yeah,” Romeo sighed. “I guess I don’t want to appear sinful in the eyes of our community and of God.”
“Suppose we have to spend the rest of our lives together bro.”
“Suppose so.”
Back in Romeo’s chamber, they sat down on the bed, and stared at the white stone wall.
“I just can’t believe this,” Romeo groaned. “This is the worst day of my life.”
“Wow. I didn’t realize I was that bad of a husband to have. Thanks a lot.”
“Nah, bro, nah!” Romeo quickly corrected himself. “It’s not that! I love spending time with you bro! It’s just that, like, I’m not gay.”
“Oh, totally, me neither dude.” Mercutio shook his head. “Straight as they come. All about that pussy.”
“Yep,” Romeo agreed. “Nothin’ better than that sweet, heterosexual pussy.”
“I’m just… so, so, straight bro. Just… straight and manly.”
“Absolutely. All about that hetero shit. Football… beer…”
They were now facing one another.
“Building things,” Mercutio added.
“Power tools…”
“Sports commentary…”
“Pinup calendars…”
They kissed passionately.
After a few seconds, they pulled away, panting.
Mercutio looked into his husband’s eyes. “Bruh.”
“No homo, though,” Romeo said quickly.
“Oh, absolutely. No homo.” With that, they locked lips once again, and then preceded to violate every anti-sodomy law on the books.
They got caught and were publicly executed.