I thought that the Marvel fandom would just be another one of my interests. I thought I could go back. God, how wrong I was. As soon as I saw Infinity War, something awakened in me. My devotion to Thanos had grown to unthinkable levels. I was no longer a human being, but merely a feeble vessel to spread his message of salvation.

I have pushed away everyone I have ever known. My girlfriend broke up with me after I proposed to her by snapping my fingers and pouring dust all over her clothes. My best friends tried to send me to interventions, but I would kick and scream Wakandan war cries, demanding that blood be spilled. My parents no longer speak about me. To them, I am a disappointment and have cut off communication between us completely.

But the final straw happened yesterday. The one being I had left in this world. My cat, Whiskers. Fucking Whiskers. He was hiding in a tree in my front yard. I stood for hours trying to call him down so I could put on a Thanos spandex suit on him. It might have been a little too tight, but I swear I would have made it work. He would have looked so cute. My grumpy neighbor watched this unfold and called animal control. They took Whiskers from me and my county has banned me from owning any more pets.

God, I am so lonely. But I’ll do anything for Thanos. It’s worth it.