The cucumber incident,

So I was fucking my ass with a cucumber like usual, when the vaseline became too slippery to hold the cucumber. The cucumber instantly sucked up my asshole. I was shocked. I didn’t know what to do. I tried to push it out but nothing was working.

The next day I went to work with the cucumber still up my ass. Boy was it hard to walk. Anyways eventually I felt a churning in my stomach. I realized: I had had chili the night before. I rushed to the bathroom and as soon as I sat down, shit exploded from my asshole like a volcano, and the cucumber shot out like a bullet. I had just finished shitting when I realized i had nowhere to hide the cucumber. I had no choice but to eat it. I look down at my shit and vaseline covered cucumber in the toilet and gag knowing what comes next. Bite by bite I ate my chili shit covered cucumber. After it was done I threw up all over in the toilet.

Then I just flushed the toilet, washed my hands and went on with my life.