When I was kid I grew up watching kerrang TV in the living room.

So one day, sitting in the living room with my dad he’s on the laptop doing spreadsheets or some shit for his job.

Then Metallica’s whiskey in the jar music video came on, and there’s a point where these two girls (like the kind of girls that every boy going through puberty wanted to make lovely lovely love time to) go up into a bedroom upstairs.

Now I don’t know if you seen the video but it’s a house party and there’s a lot alcohol and girls all over the place.

Cut back to the two girls in the bedroom, they start making out, and they get on to this bed covered in plastic (which kinda bothered me, I’m like why didn’t they take the plastic off? It’s gotta be really uncomfortable for them) and they get naked like not fully naked just topless. And I’m about 10-11 at the time, and it’s day time so obviously it’s censored, but it was enough to make blood rush all the way to my little boy penis, and be like having the hormone monster meet you for the first time and shit is CODE RED, because guys my fucking dad is two feet away from me.

But luckily he hasn’t noticed what’s going on, YET. So I’m like “I need to fucking hide this! How do I hide it?!” And my dumbass thought just put your hand down your pants and adjust. NOT the best of ideas in the world, especially when your dad is two feet away and your like “oh shit this not good” but at the same time “oh shit, this is amazing!” Because first time boner.

So my hand is down my pants and I’m trying to adjust so it wouldn’t be noticeable.

Out of nowhere my dad looks up from his laptop, looks at the TV looks at me and immediately thinks I’m just jerking off, before I get the chance to explain he reacts with

“WHAT THE FUCK! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, GO TO YOUR ROOM”

And that is the first time I got a boner.