Listen man…

\*leans in closer to the mic, practically ready to deep throat it\*

If you call yourself country but you get those fake rips in your jeans, you can have your one hit wonder and peace out, okay?

\*slightly smirks\*

That ain’t country! I was talking to a buddy of mine the other day and he made a good point about it.

\*chuckles\* Like who are these people -actually-?

Are we pretending that you work hard? You know what I’m saying? W-what are we pretending…like you’ve had those jeans a long time and you’ve spent lots of time outdoors? With a full time stylist and manicured hands? No, no, no, no.

Those fake rips drive me god damn bananas. It’s gotta be just so…

\*3 second pause\*

Wasteful, right? Where the fuck did that softened down bullshit come from? We’re literally chimpanzees in Canadian tuxedos.

Pull that shit up, Jamie. Yeah, look at that. Wow.

Jesus, it’s like he actually thinks he did some yard work. The man wasn’t built for an elk hunt if you catch my drift.