Honestly I’m done with this team. How the fuck is Jrue “$126 mil, 5 years” Holiday gonna score 4 points on 18% shooting?

I’m officially becoming a Nets fan. I just moved to Brooklyn, and I’m gonna become D’angelo Russell’s best friend irl and we’re gonna hang out all day and enjoy what the city has to offer in between games. We’ll take videos on his phone of his teammates doing embarrassing things, we’ll go to the famous CONEY ISLAND AMUSEMENT PARK, and of course we’ll be getting involved in more shenanigans than either of us can count.

Sure it might get lonely when he’s on the road, but there’s Facetime and text and an America’s crown jewel of NYC: a concrete jungle of 8 million people (and even more stories) at my disposal.

Who knows? Maybe I’ll make some other multi-millionaire athlete friends through D’angelo. But no matter what happens between me and Odell Beckham Jr, I know one thing for certain: D-Lo (my nickname for him) will always be my number one, and that’s a fact.

Anyway… Farewell, Pelicans. Farewell, my home city.