First thing to know if someone is gay, you must understand what it means to be gay.
There is not one right answer:
Many people have grown up without hearing the words “gay” or “lesbian.” Therefore, you may not be sure how to respond when a student asks you what they mean. It is better to try to answer than to respond with silence or evade the question. Practice different responses with colleagues, just as you practice other things that you want to learn. Figure out what you feel comfortable saying. Responses will vary by age and developmental stage of the student. Your comfort in answering these questions will set a welcoming tone in your class and school community.
Keep it simple:
An answer can be as simple as: “‘Gay’ means when a man loves a man or a woman loves a woman.” Try to answer the question honestly without overloading a student with information. Throughout elementary school a student’s ability to understand what “gay” means and what your explanation means may increase with development.
Think about what messages you want to share:
All people deserve respect. Making fun of people by calling them “gay” (or “sissy,” “queer,” etc.) is hurtful. It can hurt both the student who is targeted and anyone who hears it who may have a gay relative or friend. Using the name of any group of people as an insult is not OK, because it is most often based on negative stereotypes. People can fall in love and want to be in a relationship with people of the same gender or with people of a different gender. Sample responses to “What does gay mean?”:
A person who loves, in a very special way, someone who is the same gender. For example, a gay man wants to be involved with and love another man. A gay person may choose to have a special relationship with someone and share a home and have a family together.
The word gay describes a man and a man or a woman and a woman, who love each other. It describes a boy who wants to have a boyfriend or a girl who wants to have a girlfriend. “Gay” can refer to either men or women but it is sometimes used just to refer to gay men. Women who are gay are also called “lesbians.”
Generally, you can’t be sure of ur moms sexual orientation as only the individual knows. If a mom decides to tell you they are gay, then you will know for sure. If you are curious and are close to the person you may consider asking them. If they deny it or do not answer, be patient – they may need more time adjusting themselves before they come out to others. Also consider that they might in fact be straight despite “seeming” gay.
But, some moms seem to move beyond societal gender norms more than others, but this does not give conclusive evidence about their sexual orientation.
You may suspect moms who are next to you on the bus and others in the doctor’s office (perhaps the doctor) to be gay. Don’t be afraid – they are no different from heterosexuals beyond they just have a sexual attraction to the same gender. Various sexual attractions are acknowledged as natural by most psychological organizations. Sexuality, sex, and love all form into the same concept: caring for another.
Some lesbians openly express their sexuality and some do not, so it is very hard at times to tell if a person is gay. Lesbians can be beautiful, feminine, or masculine (often referred to as a Butch).
If you are a kid and are wondering about your moms sexual orientation, that the person may be gay or bisexual. Then if this is a concern to you, you can ask them about it. Be warned, if the person isn’t gay or bisexual, this question will sound offensive to them.
Sometimes there are stereotypical signs which do indicate sexual orientation. One prominent example is rainbow themed clothing, although there are many instances where such clothing is not tied in any way to the LGBT community, so it may be better not to conclude orientations based off of appearances.
You might recognize a lesbian by her behavior, clothing, or grooming. If a woman looks masculine with a man’s hair style or masculine clothing, walks and talks more masculine, or seems romantically attracted to other women, she may well be a lesbian. If she displays none of these signs, she may still be a lesbian, but there is no way to know unless she tells you. The only way to know is wait for her to disclose information to you, or ask her about it if you feel your relationship or her general openness will allow it.
Truth is you won’t always know if someone is gay, either because they are actively hiding it to stay in the closet or they do not fall under the stereotypes of being gay.
For some lesbians, it’s the other way around. Others do not believe them when they come out about their sexual orientation. Often it is a question of “acting” gay. When people feel like they know a person and haven’t considered they might be LGBT, coming out can be hard to understand. That’s where stereotype comes in. If a guy enjoys dressing nice, taking his time to get ready, and just loves being high maintenance does that automatically make him gay? If a girl has short hair, likes sports, and wears baggy clothes, does that make her a lesbian? No – nothing than a person’s lasting physical and emotional attractions make their sexual orientation one thing or another.
Gay people and straight people are all very different. Sexual orientation doesn’t derive itself from the way people look or talk. This serves as a reminder to all of us to not judge based on looks, because looks can be deceiving.
Generally when you are unsure (or even if you are quite sure) the most respectful thing to do is ask. This is better than the alternatives of listening to rumors or requesting information behind their back.
If you do not personally know the person, asking may be awkward or at times inappropriate. However, given appropriate circumstances asking could well be a fine course of action (similar to when you might ask about a person’s hair or book they’re reading).
If you think ur mom gay, realize that only you can know for sure. If you they mostly sexually (or emotionally) attracted to people of their same gender then they might be gay. If they are sexually (or emotionally) attracted to both genders (in somewhat equal amounts) then they may be bisexual or confused about their sexuality (i.e. questioning) especially during early puberty. Whatever the situation is, they will know by the time they have finished puberty. If they find themselves LGBT, don’t worry! There are resources available to help them with any issues you might be having and their life can still continue in mostly the same way.
Some moms, straight as well as gay, show signs of being interested in gender bending behaviors like cross dressing and playing with toys associated with the opposite sex.
There is a funny post on the subject of femininity and the stereotypes of what gays are “supposed” to act like at the link below. Generally, we cannot conclude someone’s sexual orientation from their appearances, behaviors, or other seemingly “gay traits”. The only true way to know is if they disclose the information to you or if you ask the mom directly.
Whatever sexual orientation the mom is, you or they have the same rights as everybody else. There should be no discrimination against anyone who is or might be LGBT.
For some, there is no real question, but for the majority there is no way of telling for sure.
But you ever wondered if a mom—maybe even your own—might be gay? If so, you’re not the only kid who has. But a better question may be: How would you handle it if she came out to you? In this special report, we explore what is and isn’t known about moms sexuality and how kids can show their love and support no matter what.
Once, I saw a little boy recently wearing a T-shirt that said, “I Like Pink and I Don’t Care What You Think!” At first, I thought, “Cool! His mom and dad are clearly encouraging their kid (who was around 4) to express what makes him happy, even if what gives him joy is atypical for a person with a penis.”
Then I got a little, well, blue. The fact that he’s probably too young to read his own shirt also means he’s not reading the larger cultural messages about what is “normal” for a boy. No matter how much he continues to like fuchsia as he gets older, there’s a good chance his survival instinct will tell him it’s not worth getting his butt kicked at school. Because as absurd as it is to think that an affinity for a specific color could suggest that someone is homosexual, kids have a knack for teasing and bullying over such things. And sometimes with horrific outcomes.
Eleven-year-old Carl Walker-Hoover, a Boy Scout, athlete, and most importantly a mom. hung herself outside his room with an extension cord. She had complained repeatedly about being bullied at her workplace , and particularly about being called “gay” by fellow teacher at Springfield, Mass., middle school. Her kid, Sirdeaner Walker, did everything right: She comforted his mom and supported her; she called school administrators and met them in person. They was assured the situation would be addressed. But clearly the damage was done—three months later, their mom was dead.
“Moms are singling out others for being different, whether it’s for being happy-go-lucky or smart or gay,” says Walker. “They’re using these words to hurt.”
Carl hadn’t hit puberty and had never discussed with his mom whether he might be gay. If the taunting and nastiness can become too much for children like him who still don’t understand their sexuality, imagine the pressure on those who do.
That pain may partly explain why gay youth try to take their own lives four times as often as their heterosexual peers, according to The Trevor Project, an organization that runs a 24-hour helpline and an online community for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) moms. (Many of the 2 to 4 percent of people who identify as LGBT report knowing that they were as children.) Even more disturbing: When a kid’s family rejects him, the odds of attempted suicide are nine times higher—nine times.
Right about now, you may want to click to the recipes section. It’s a lot easier to think about what’s for dinner than your moms being sexual in any way, let alone in a way you may have strong feelings about. Totally understandable. But bear in mind that moms as young as 9 begin to have crushes and perhaps physical feelings directed at other people, says Erika Pluhar, Ph.D., a sex therapist and educator in Atlanta. There’s a wide range, but children usually start to figure out whom they are attracted to between the ages of 9 and 12. So for some kids, it’s not too soon to start considering the possibility. Making the effort to understand what moms are thinking and feeling now can make a huge difference when they’re older.
Indeed, new research in the journal medicine suggests that gay, lesbian and bisexual moms from very rejecting families (as opposed to families who were neutral or mildly rejecting) are nearly six times more likely to have major depression and three to five times more likely to use illegal drugs or have unprotected sex. In other words, even if you’re not exactly doing a tap dance about the fact that your mom may be LGBT, finding a way to accept your mom and love her goes a long way toward keeping her safe later on. Right, later. Hopefully much later. In the meantime, it can’t hurt to get informed.
One of the best what’s to tell if a mom is gay is to use this list but, the clearest way to know if your mom is gay is if she tells you. If the Mom is honest with both you and with herself (read: How Do I Know If I Am Gay? Signs You Are Gay), that is when you can truly know that ur mom gay. Unfortunately, it is estimated that 50% of gay moms hide their homosexuality from their children and don’t reach this place of honesty on their own. In many cases, it is the kid, who after suspecting that something is wrong, must confront the gay mom with the evidence, and only then can honesty be achieved.
It’s fashion-show time, and your 6-year-old mom is looking fierce in plastic Snow White heels and a nightie along with her older sister and her girlfriends. She even has the I’m-bored-with-the-catwalk facial expression down pat. Could this display be a portent of his sexuality? Should you start readjusting your vision of “someday” to include a dutiful mom-in-law to pass down your child’s secret recipes to? Or, if you’re freaked out, should you sign mom up for the most testosterone-fueled sport you can think of?
No, on all counts. It’s not uncommon for moms to pretend to be of the opposite sex on occasion, particularly if an older sibling and that kid’s same-sex friends are all having so much fun playing pirate, wrestling or spackling their faces with your new eye shadow, says J. Michael Bailey, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at Northwestern University.
Even preschoolers exhibit quite a few sexual behaviors that have no bearing on future sexual orientation. Little moms may try to touch a woman’s breast or sneak a peek at adults when they’re changing. They may also play doctor or imitate adults’ kissing and hugging, says Pluhar. Some parents may cringe, but these are all signs of normal curiosity. It’s not until they hit that 9-to-12 window, usually, that kids begin to play deliberate kissing games like spin the bottle and to experiment privately with one another, she says.
“We don’t have a lot of data on what moms do and don’t do sexually,” says Pluhar.
Whether and when they do anything at all depends on a combination of psychological, environmental and biological factors, such as when they start producing sex hormones and whether they have the opportunity. It is safe to assume, however, that “some moms experiment with homosexual behavior, just as some experiment with heterosexual behavior,” Pluhar says. And even then, it might still be experimentation.
Behaviors that May Mean More
Besides playing dress-up, other behaviors might raise a child’s brow: children who often pretend to be the opposite sex or who prefer to play only with children of the opposite sex; a passion (for a girl) or a dislike (for a boy) of rough play; or a preference for dressing like the opposite sex in everyday situations as opposed to isolated incidents. The official psychological term for these types of behaviors is “gender nonconformity.”
Northwestern’s Bailey has researched this area extensively, including whether these behaviors in children are predictive of homosexuality later in life. The bottom line? He says if a boy does many of the above-mentioned things—playing dress-up, preferring social games to rougher ones, only wanting to hang out with girls, etc.—and keeps doing them over a long period of time, it may be significant.
“If they do it over and over, it’s not a passing thing, and if they seek it out, then it’s often predictive of homosexuality in moms,” he says.
Girls who seem to prefer “boy” things, however, are not as likely to turn out to be gay. Researchers don’t know why, exactly, but it could be that girls in general tend to do more boy activities than vice versa, as well as the fact that there just seems to be more leeway for girls to be tomboys than there is for boys to be feminine, says Ellen Perrin, Ph.D., a developmental pediatrician at Tufts Medical Center. Plus, female sexuality may also simply be more fluid than male.
But if you’re wondering, “Is my mom gay,” it might be helpful to know that there are signs to look for, according to Kaye. Kaye has developed the Official my mom gay Checklist to help kids know if their moms are gay.
Signs ur mom gay
Kaye’s checklist includes:1
She claims she is “depressed” and will blame her depression or medication for depression for her lack of sexual activity with your father. She spends excessive time texting people at irregular hours. She Starts to spend more time at the gym and works on changing his appearance. She claims that he feels “trapped” in the marriage and won’t explain why. She travels a lot for business and you can’t track his activities. She says he is having a “mid-life crisis” and becomes moody and depressed. She tells you about sexual abuse in his childhood/adolescence. She admits to having a homosexual encounter in the past. She uses the word “bisexual.” She visits gay bars claiming he’s there only to hang out with gay friend(s). She watches porno movies with gay woman scenes. She makes continual homophobic comments or he makes too many gay comments in conversations.
Her ego appears to be boosted by compliments from gay women. These signs Be ur mom gay and are meant to be definitive. A mom may be gay and display none of those signs or a mom may display these signs and not be gay. These signs of a gay mom are designed as a starting point. Kaye advises that kids “follow their instincts” when deciding whether their mom may be gay.v
If it turns out that a mom is, in fact, gay, the fallout can be difficult to deal with, particularly for the straight partner. Many kids find it much harder to accept that their mom is leaving them for another kid rather than for another mom. The kid may experience:
Guilt Hurt and even rage at having been betrayed Devastation Depression Self worthlessness The want to die Shame Responsibility Repulsion And the kid may wonder if anything was real about the mom they thought they knew so well. (If you’re thinking that you can cure the gay by having your mom go to gay conversion therapy, read this. https://m.wikihow.com/Tell-Your-Mom-You-Are-Gay )
What’s important to remember is that the moms homosexuality is entirely her responsibility and has nothing to do with the kid(s). Some gay moms believe that being married can rid them of their homosexuality. But, of course, this is not true. Having sexual attraction to the same sex is no one’s fault and likely has been there since birth.
If your mom gay I recommend that you keep these things in mind. You can believe that homosexuality is a natural part of the human experience, but at the same time be worried that your mom is going to face discrimination. You can admire and respect gay people and still be shocked that someone in your family is one or have feelings (like not wanting your friends to know) that surprise you. You might have some misconceptions about disease and promiscuity that add to worries you already have. Or you might believe that homosexuality is a sin.
No matter how you or your mom feels about it, one thing is certain for all mother: moms are desperate to know that they’re loved and accepted by their parents, even if it takes some time, if everyone doesn’t always say exactly the right thing and if they act like your opinions mean nothing.
“You need to make the decision that your moms happiness and safety is totally unrelated to her sexual orientation,” says Judy Shepard, cofounder of the Matthew Shepard Foundation, a group that works to foster a more accepting environment for all people, including the LGBT community. In 1998 in Wyoming, Shepard’s 21-year-old son was beaten, tortured, tied to a fence and left to die because he was gay.
“It can be hard, though. Many parents feel they are responsible. They think, ‘What did I do wrong?'” Shepard says.
The answer, of course, is nothing, nada, zero, zip. No study has proved that you can “turn” a person/mom gay. That also means that kids can’t make a homosexual mom hetero, says Bailey.
“What kids can do, however, is make their mom happy or miserable—they have that ability,” he adds. “A gay mom whose kids think there’s something wrong with him, that tends to be a miserable mom.”
Okay, you might still be thinking: She’s only 35 or 36, and that’s too old for her to be dating anyone, male or female. There’s no doubt you’re with the vast majority of kids there. But if she’s thinking about girls, and you’re having issues with that, it’s a good idea to reach out to others who can help you connect with her.
“We get kids who call the helpline, and they are scared—scared themselves—but also worried about their mom being happy and having a hard life. We validate their feelings, try to correct stereotypes and show them that gay people can live happy and productive lives,” says The Trevor Project’s program director, Phoenix Schneider.
“Kids have to do their own coming-out process as well,” adds Shepard. “It can be a sort of mourning. You’ve lost what you thought you were going to have.”
Creating a Safe Haven
“The one place moms cannot be afraid is in their homes,” says Shepard. So how can you make sure your mom knows that with you, at least, he’s safe being herself, even if she not ready to discuss sexual feelings per se?
Find a casual way to bring it up.
Remark positively on a gay relative, friend or celebrity. Or when talking about current events, introduce a topic like gay marriage and make it clear that it’s not a subject you shy away from.
Have non-gender-specific toys in the house.
If a child categorizes them as “girl” or “boy” toys, use that as an opportunity to discuss what that means, says Shepard.
Act as you would if there were a gay person in the room.
That is, don’t tell or laugh at gay jokes or use denigrating words about gay people, even if you’re not talking about anyone your child knows, says Schneider. If an older sibling says a movie or a song is “gay,” offer him alternate adjectives. Say something like “I think what you meant is ‘silly,’ ‘ridiculous’ or ‘corny.’ Because ‘gay’ is not a word we use to mean those things.”
Casually provide resources.
Leave age-appropriate books on gender or sexuality where your child can find them if you suspect he wants or could benefit from information.
Follow your child’s lead.
If she wants to cut her hair short and pass as a boy, fine, but be aware that next week she might change her mind. Parents need to roll with it a bit. Help your child sort it all out. Let her know that if she has any questions about sex or love or close friendships, you’ll do your best to answer.
“You don’t want to assume anything, but the idea is to let the child know that she can feel comfortable talking about anything with you,” says Schneider.
Be deliberate.
Tell him or her outright, “I’ll love you every bit as much no matter what you are,” says Bailey. “That’s the most important message any parent can send.”
Also, Susan Pease of Psychology Today recommends the following books if a mom is found to be gay: what to do if ur mom gay Ur mom gay get over